Because of the Heart
by Cherry Blossom ZuperStar
Summary: I envy because of the heart. I glutton because of the heart. I covet because of the heart. I am prideful because of the heart. I sloth because of the heart.  I rage because of the heart. Because of the heart...I lust for everything about you.


**Author's Note- This story...I love. I'm so proud of it. Really. Two weeks of work for each and every one of you? I hope you enjoy as much as I did writing it. Seriously. I'm being for cereal. Hardest thing to write so far but I loved it so much.**

**Dedication- To my lovely friend Jen. I wrote this story as a feel better...but um...took longer than expected. Sorry bout that BTW. But I hope it makes you feel better for other reasons too. Yay for Ulquiorra! And also to Carly. I hope this makes you feel better to. Why? I don't know...ENJOY!**

**Inspiration- Do you really have to ask? The poem! The characters! Watching Bleach with my brother and making fun of said characters!**

**Disclaimer- Tite Kubo owns Bleach. You know props to him cuz I swore I'd never watch Bleach a few years ago. I thougt of it as silly. Boy was I wrong! *laughs* Thanks for creating it man. You've made my teenager years awesome! (though im sure he'll never read this...)**

_**Because of The Heart**_

(Ulquiorra's P.O.V)

_ 'What is a heart?'_

_ 'Who gets to have a heart?'_

_ 'What makes a heart a heart?'_

_ 'Why is the heart so special?'_

_ 'Where can someone get a heart?'_

_ 'When do you know you have a heart?'_

The human heart...It is something I will never understand. I thought of it as something trivial...something not worth pondering over. I shouldn't worry over something that belongs to trash. A heart is something for creatures that are alive. A heart is proof that you breathe. Because I am not alive, why should I care? And yet, while that statement is true I cannot follow it. I want to know about the heart. I admit it. I am curious.

I find that the longer I ignore my desire to learn, the harder it is to hide my curiousity from everyone. Even more so, with my mind almost constantly distracted from the thoughts of the human heart, I get ever more closer to blowing my cover to Lord Aizen and the other Espada.

Whenever I leave to go to the Espada meetings, they always question to my whereabouts. As if to announce that I am doing something other than my duties. There's really not much I can say to any of them that will stop them from asking questions. Even so, I do not care whether they think I am doing something I shouldn't be or not. It is none of my concern nor is it there's. I'll do the things I need to do whenever and wherever I please.

Lord Aizen is usually the most curious as to where I am at certain times of the day. While I don't think it is an interesting answer to where I may or may not have been I always answer the same. 'Fulfilling my duties.' However I don't think the excuse is working anymore.

After the meetings close I will leave back to my corridor. If I am not needed why should I be there? If they need something of me I will gladly stay and see to their request. If not, I go.

"Ulquiorra?"

I turn from my leave to my master and lord. "Yes?"

"Don't get too carried away in research. I still need you as an Esapda."

"Research... Lord Aizen?" I ask. "I'm afraid I do not understand your question. To what 'research' are you referring to?"

He blinks a few times. "Never mind then Ulquiorra. Forget I asked."

Truth be told, I know what he means. He thinks I am trying to learn about the heart. In which I am. But I'm not about to admit to that. Some things are better left unsaid rather than spoken.

"As...You wish...Lord Aizen."

Before he can put in another letter I leave. I know that I am disobeying him in both not telling him of what I am doing, and researching. I shouldn't do things I am not supposed to do. I understand that. But right now, this need surpasses any of the needs he wants me to fulfill.

Now...don't me wrong. I know what a heart is. It is the organ found in animals that pumps blood into the body's veins. You need to have a heart to live. It is one of the few organs you cannot live without. I know where the heart is located. It is under the rib cage on the left side of your body between the lungs. The average size of a heart is a little bigger than a fist.

I know of the conditions of the average heart. I know what it does, what can happen to it, how many beats it gives per second, mintue, hour, and even day. And I even how to stop it to kill someone. I know all about the heart. And yet? I know nothing.

The appearance of one is easy enough to understand. Practically everything about it is child's play. However...When it comes down to these so-called human 'emotions' or something...This is where I get lost. I do not understand these feelings that humans use to express themselves. It does not make any sense to me. I do not understand...

Anger, annoyance, angst, anxiety, contemptment, curiousity, depression, desire, disappointment, empathy, envy, embarrassment, fear, frusration, gratitude, grief, guilt, happiness, hatred, hope, horror, jealousy, loathing, love, misery, pity, pride, rage, regret, remorse, sadness, shame, shyness, sorrow, surprise, wonder, worry...?

All these emotions cause me...a headache. They are all too confusing. How can a human...someone so small and igsignificant to the world, feel all these things? It doesn't make any sense.

This is why I research the heart. Because I do not understand these emotions. How can one feel this, or how can one feel that? How can you feel all of these? It's too much! Surely humans would die from so much...wouldn't they? More importantly...why do humans feel these? Why not...a hollow? Why not an Arrancar? Why not...me?

One might be asking as to why or even how all this started? As to why I am so interested in emotions and hearts and feelings? Well...you can blame it on her. The girl.

Her name is Orihime Inoue. She is a human...A human with the power to defy Gods and time itself. She isn't too interesting I find. Average looks, average mind, average body. Nothing about her can interest someone really. Well, at least that's what I first thought.

Lord Aizen had sent Yammy and myself to the world of the living to gather information on Karakura Town and to find someone of interest to him. It was the town in which Ichigo Kurosaki resides in to be exact. Naturally we found our target but to my suprise I was shocked how much of a fight he put up against Yammy. Ichigo was an interesting target to examine...but he did not meet my expectations. What I did not expect was the girl whom Ichigo was protecting had powers too. Not like a Soul Reapers...Not like his. Nor was it like the boy we faught earlier either. Hers were different. She was able to erase time itself on things. I admit it that I was amazed in seeing this before my very eyes.

When I had returned back to Hueco Mundo with the information we needed I immediatly reported my findings to Lord Aizen. As I expected he himself was also interested in the girl's powers. 'She would be some use to us,' I figured.

My second mission to the Human world or perhaps third since the second was to investigate a report...Was to actually physically capture the girl with those powers. Surprisingly she wasn't there. No. She was actually in the Soul Society. But no matter. I was going to complete my mission without fail.

I found it rather odd that when Orihime was making her way to the human world by means of the 'Dangai Precipice World' that she was being escorted by two extrememly weak shinigami's. I knew what my orders were and did not hesitate in making them clear to her after I cut down her guards. I gave her no choice in the matter... she was coming with me. If she didn't come with me, I would kill each of her friends. By her coming with me, I let them live...for the time being.

Ever since Orihime came to Hueco Mundo I find that she is being very cooraportive. It is probably because she is scared of what would happen to her if she denied us.

Lord Sosuke Aizen had assigned me as Orihime's care-taker. I see to it that she is alive and well. I bring her anything she may need...with some exceptions. She is like a pet really I find. An annoying one at that.

It wasn't just a few days ago, maybe one week at most, that she had started talking to me. She had answered me before. But she was required to do so. Any questions I had she had no choice but to answer. It was only now that she was starting to talk as if in conversation. She was still very quiet, to which I am thankful for, but she is now at least used to this.

She had mentioned the heart once or twice to me. And it was at those moments when she spoke so highly of it, almost like praising it, that I began to wonder why the heart was so important to a human.

She gave me the obvious information about it. What it did and why a creature would need it. I did more research to finish my already forming conclusion about the heart. However when she mentioned a few emotions to me, and showed those emotions to me (by making faces? I still do not understand her) I began to wonder more. She had said that emotions were tied with the heart. I didn't believe her then. Even now I still have my doubts. But...I suppose my curiousity got the better of me that night. As soon I woke up the next day I had realized that I was lying to myself when I said I wasn't interested in feelings. Truth was, it amazed me that a human could feel...this thing called 'joy' whatever it may be. I guess I wanted to explore that fact.

Even though I'm far into my research now. Pages after pages about the heart...I still cannot find the answer(s) to my question(s) at all. It bothers me that I cannot find the truth too. Noramlly I could find it within getting the information, if not I would do further analysis. But this time...time after time...I am still in the same spot before I even began. And now the question rings louder in my mind as each passing day rolls...

_'What is a heart?' _

** -OoO-**

**心在るが故に妬み****I envy because of the heart  
**

For a human...she eats quite a lot of food. It is rather disgusting and sickening to see how much she can intake within one moment. It practically nauseates me each time I see her eat... if it were possible for an Arrancar to be sick that is. And she calls herself a woman?

"Hey Ulquiorra?" She says between mouthfulls.

"What is it?"

"...Um.." She swallows wiping her mouth. "Can Hollows and Arrancars eat human food?"

I blinked. What kind of question is that? Could_ I _eat human food? Who would ask that? Oh wait do not answer that question. "Yes."

"R-Really? So you can eat pasta?"

"If I wanted to."

"And oranges?"

"I'm not sure as to why I would but yes."

"And fish?"

I frown. Fish? That was different. "I'm not the biggest fan of seafood."

"Really? But fish is so yummy! And good for you too!"

I turned away. This girl could test the patience of a rock. She is in enemy territory and yet she acts as if this is her own home! It's crazy. "Not when it has mercury in it."

She nodds putting her now empty plate onto the cart. "True. So...Did you find out any more information on the heart yet?"

I know, I know. Why would I tell her of all people? Truth is not even I know. I must've been out of it or something when I mentioned my research to her. That's the only logically idea I can come up with other than that idiot Grimmjow spiking my tea one day. It wouldn't surprise me anyway.

"No. I am still where I was three days ago. Maybe even more than that."

She brushed her long, copper-coloured hair (I didn't see how it was possible to have such long hair without it bothering you) out of her eyes. "I don't think you're going to find the answers you're looking for Uquiorra."

"And why do you indicate that?"

"Well..." She glanced away from my gaze. "A heart isn't something you can just easily find."

"I beg to differ. I know exactly where it is. If you'd like I can show you yours."

Her eyes widen in shock before she closed them in what I guessed as annoyance or perhaps shock? I'm still rather confused as to these emotions she speaks of. "No thank you...But Ulqui...?"

Without answering my reply she begins to speak again. "What I meant was...the basic things of a heart, the place where it is, what it does, how it works, what it looks like? That's simple. Everyone -except for babies and young people I guess- knows that! When it comes down to the more complicated things like emotions and feelings and all...when it comes down to that...no one understands that. The heart is an amazing thing! But it is also something in which no one will ever fully comprehend. The functions of a heart are simple...when it comes to what is tied to it, like love, it's...complicated."

"You think I will not get my answers?"

She bit down on her lip quite sharply before shaking her head. "You might. But not the answers you may want."

"Meaning?"

Orihime glanced down hiding her face. "The answers you want aren't going to be the ones you get. You're not going to find them. I'm sorry."

"Something is stopping me from doing so?"

"N-no!" She shook her head. "Yes? I mean..." She paused slightly. "Why're are you so interested in the heart anyway?"

I thought for a moment. Why was I interested in the heart? A simple question truely. I was...interested...because...because I...I don't know. I actually didn't know. Why was I interested in the heart?

I am an Esapda. Espada have no use for hearts. I am an Arrancar. Arrancars do not need hearts. I am a Hollow. Hollows don't have hearts. Yet while all this is true I cannot hide the fact that the thought of having a heart brings out my ever-growing curiousity. I don't have a heart. Isn't that reason enough to want one?

I was once a human being like her. Those memories are long gone however. I cannot recall anything past from being made into an Espada. Still I did know that to be a hollow you must've been a human at one point in your life. If I was a human at one point long ago that meant I had a heart. Which meant I could feel joy and sadness. I could feel angry and even feel guilt. I could have felt so many emotions! But after being a hollow, when your heart is missing... you can't feel any emotions. It had been so long ago I'm guessing that...

I slowly let out a breath trying to calm myself. I was getting worked up over a simple thing. A heart? A worthless piece of trash no doubt. Perhaps they are right. Maybe I should just forget...

Still...the idea of having a heart...even now that I have been an Espada here in Hueco Mundo for what can be forever...taunts me. Having a heart? Being able to feel? To express something deep within me? Those thoughts run in my mind over and over again making my need to learn almost unbareable.

Lord Aizen has always said that 'curiousity killed the cat.' At first I wasn't sure what that meant. But I think now...in this moment...I finally do. I think I finally understand what Lord Aizen was saying. Your curiousity can overrule your judgement. That alone should stop you. But more so, if your curiousity gets the better of you, the answers you may seek will cause disappointment in you. It can kill you from the inside out.

However whenever Lord Aizen says that to me or even any of the Espada, I recall that Gin Ichimaru will say something of his own. 'But satisfaction brought it back.' So if that saying is true, the answers you may seek may be the ones you're looking for. Is it that finding the answers are far better than not knowing even if they may not be what you expect? Is it that satisfaction will erase all of this after?

I agree that my curiousity is getting the better of me now. My curiousity of the human heart. But perhaps if I keep searching...? The answers I seek will make theirselves known and I will be satisfied?

"Ulquiorra?"

I let out another breath. Yes. Learning about the heart is fine. But I'm not satisfied. Then what do I want then if learning isn't enough? What do I really want? What do I really need? If learning isn't enough what is?

I think for a mintue or two pondering over the many forming answers in my mind. Learning isn't enough. But what would satisfy my craving then? I believe I just found the answer. The heart. There's no denying it. I want a human heart. I don't want to know how it works. I could care less. But to actually have a heart, to feel it beat within my own body. To feel it clench under pressure...To have it burn inside of me...To make me feel alive...! That is reason enough. I want one.

Seeing Orihime...in this room...looking at me... causes a new found feeling inside of me to grow. I don't know what. But suddenly I find that I am not able to stand here anymore without the need of ripping her open before my very eyes over coming me.

Without a second of hesitation I leave. I had spent enough time in that room as is. I don't need to spend more seconds in there with her.

Leaning against the close door, I close my eyes. The image of her screaming, while my hands tear open her chest and grabbing the pulsating heart practically makes me grin like a maniac.

'No. You cannot think that. She is Lord Aizen's. Not mine.' My mind responds trying to calm down my nerves.

I think I'm starting to realize something. Orihime has a heart. I'm well aware of that. But just even knowing that makes me angry. She has one, she has one, she has a heart. It repeats over and over. Orihime has a heart and not me.

I blink. Why should I be angry that she has a heart? She's a human. She needs one to live. But that doesn't calm me. She has a heart and I do not have one. Just that saying makes me want to scream in frustration. Not that I could.

I swallow harshly realizing why I felt like this. Myself being angry at her, hating her, because she has a heart? I'm envious. I want a heart. It was that simple.

'I envy because of the heart.'

**-OoO-**

**心在るが故に喰らい****I glutton because of the heart**

Hollows don't really have the need to sleep or rest too often. We can go days after days of no rest and still keep fighting. True, eventually we do need some sleep to recharge. However it is not as often as that of a human being.

As I lay here in my bed, I find that I cannot concentrate on that of sleeping. To rest right now? It seems almost foolish to me. Still, I feel inside of me that I am tired and that I need to rest...however I cannot. I cannot find myself going to sleep right now. I cannot close my eyes and keep them closed. I cannot stay still right now, long enough for my body to rest.

Because I am a Hollow I am dead. I do not have any organs with me to prove that I am alive. True I can still bleed. A miracle in which I still do not have an answer for. I have asked Aizen constantly as to why, if we are dead and have no functioning organs, can we still bleed as if we were human? He never answers me directly. Even Szayel couldn't answer that question and he lived for research!

But because all of my organs are 'supposedly' dead I do not feel the needs that humans do. The need to breathe? I don't necissarily have to, but out of sheer instinct I do. As I stated before the need to sleep, or even the need to eat? I do not feel them but on sheer instinct I fulfill them.

I watch as my chest rises and falls from my rather shallow breathing. I still find it rather interesting how I can still function as if I were indeed a human.

I hadn't been to see Orihime at all today. I used the excuse of a mission to get out of it. I realize this was uncharacteristically unlike me, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Each time I had passed her chamber I would stop there and just stand for what could be hours. It wasn't that I wanted to or was afraid to go see her. I just couldn't bring myself to move and see to my duties as her care-giver.

I had told Lord Aizen this morning that I had a few missions I needed to accomplish and was therefore unavailable to complete my duties to her. I was surprised that even he believed me. Or maybe he didn't but was playing along. It wouldn't shock me.

I don't know who had visited her and took care of her in my 'absence.' I don't think it would be an Espada. Well not any I can think of. Grimmjow would be way too uptight to do it, and Nnoitra was...No. Just no.

I suppose Stark or even Halibel could take care of Orihime too...Okay maybe just Halibel. Personally it bothers me slightly that someone else would take care of her and not myself but I admit that I have brought it upon myself.

Without even realizing it I find that I am very slowly tracing the tattooed '4' on my chest with my finger, trying to remember what I heartbeat would feel like. I made no avail.

The '4' is right on the spot where my heart would be. In thinking this I wonder if I do have all my organs still inside of me. I may still have a heart inside of me, it just isn't working because it's dead. If that were the case, my desire to have a heart wouldn't change. I still want one. One that is working. One that is alive.

I eyed my pale hands. I wanted to feel the heart so badly, I could barely see straight. Just the thought of feeling a heart, to feel it beat...? Would that satisfy me? At least for now? If I could feel the heartbeat of something...Would I be alright until morn?

I glanced at my closed door with squinted eyes. 'Orihime is the only human here.' On another moment of thinking I realize, 'She would be fast asleep.'

I shook my head. 'What am I thinking?' I can't go in into her room and just...hear her heartbeat. Hear the thumping noise that showed she was alive. To hear the drumming of her heart within...

Before I can even blink, I am already out of my corridors and halfway there to her room. I want to stop, but I find I am unable to do so. The desire is too much for me to handle. To just hear it...To be able to hear it...

'I am only going to listen.' I say to myself. 'Only listen. I will not do anything more. After listening to it, I will go back, and stay.' I say that...But would I be able to do so? With Orihime completely asleep I would be able to do anything I pleased. The thought of it scares me. I could do anything...

I silently make a vow to myself as I reach her door. 'I will only listen. I will only listen.' Nothing more nothing less. I'm sure that just hearing the heartbeat would calm me...and satisfy me for a while...right?

Even as I enter her chamber, very quietly I might add, I can't help but feel...strange. Am I excited? Am I nervous? All I do know that I am angered at myself for being so weak. But I know I couldn't hold myself any longer. If I did who knows what might have happened?

She is sleeping, as I expected. Fully, deeply, asleep. Seeing her, laying down on the couch, curled up in a ball, reminds me of how cold it gets here. I should probably ask Lord Aizen if we should give her a blanket for warmth or something. I'm used to it, but I admit it that it does get extrememly cold...even in Las Noches.

I know that the cold can affect one's heartbeat, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to know how it sounds. In fact, I think it makes me that more curious about it.

I quietly walk up to her and kneel down as close as I possibly can. I can hear her breathing. The soft exhale she gives and the quiet inhale of air she takes. I can see the rise and fall of her chest. Up and down and up and down.

But I cannot hear her heart. I can hear her breathing, the slight movement of her hands against the fabric, even her swallowing. But not her heartbeat. Perhaps I need to get closer?

Being ever so careful I brought my head right to her chest. I knew this position was as uncomfortable for me as it was to her, if she were awake. It'd probably be awkward for anyone. Hollow or human.

I closed my eyes and shifted so that the side of my head was in the perfect position to hear her. For a moment or two it was quiet. I heard nothing. I found that I was slightly upset...but that quickly disapeared when I heard the soft '_thump_' noise.

My eyes flew open. '_Thump' 'thump' 'thum-thump' 'thump_.' Was that...a heartbeat?

I listened closer. _'Thump-thump' 'thump-thump.' _

I was surprised to say that I was shocked. It was so...quiet. So soft. Nothing like a drum. It was small. I could hear it. Defiantly. But it was...

I could feel the twitch of a small smile forming. So this is a heartbeat? For some strange reason I felt calm suddenly. I felt calm and serene. A heartbeat...it was so soothing. I found my eyelids getting heavier and heavier...

But I couldn't fall asleep here. What would my fellow Espada say? What would Lord Aizen say?

Shaking my head I get up and take my leave. I knew I wanted to stay to listen more. But if I did I could not forgive myself. I had listened to what a heart sounded like. That is enough...

Still even as I leave I can't help but keep looking back. I want to stay here. I want to listen more. I want to..to..No!

The image of holding Orihime's bleeding heart in the palm of my hands over takes me again. Seeing her, covered in blood, and a sick smile on my face...it scares me to no end. I leave before I have time to act upon this sudden urge. I will not hurt her. I will not hurt her.

My desire for the heart is burning me from the inside out. The want for one clouds my mind in a haze. The need for one blinds me from the world. My desire for a heart, for her heart, for the heart is so strong I can barely stand it. I want a heart so badly now. I've heard it. And I liked what I heard.

I want it so bad that I am ignoring everything else around me...My desire is too much... I want it. I want it. I...hunger for the heart. It is this desire that worries me...

'I glutton because of the heart.'

**-OoO-**

**心在るが故に奪い****I covet because of the heart**

I'm not really sure what to do anymore. As each day passes on, each time I see Orihime, the repeating sound of her heart is in my mind. The same _'thumping' _noise is constantly in my head. Personally I do not mind. The sound that is forever etched into my mind calms me. It clears my head from other thoughts. Still, I can never fully ignore and erase the image of me holding her organ in my hand laughing.

Everytime I go to her, whether because I need to feed her, or just checking in, I find myself constantly staring at the place where her heart is. It is like my eyes are permantly glued to that spot. I'm not sure if she realizes this, but I know I do. I'm sure everyone else would to if they were to see me.

It's like a burning desire...the burning want of a heart. There is this fire within me, that is always aflame. It is usually calm, just there flickering but as soon as I see Orihime, hear her, or even think of her, the flame ignites into this...fireball that I cannot control. It feels like it is killing me as soon as Orihime is on my mind, that or it will kill me soon enough.

I usually ignore this desire for the time I am within her presence. She will talk to me about something completely unrelated to anything and then just ramble on something for what could be forever. Hearing her talk can calm me down some too, but other times...it's like fuel. When she starts talking the flame just gets fiercer and fiercer inside of me up until the point where I'm forced to leave without a another word.

I'm sure she is insulted by this. But she shows no emotions of it. When I enter she will look at me and wave. It's like I am welcomed in here or something. In a way I'm glad. I'm glad to know that she doesn't mind my presence. But on the other hand, she should fear me. I am her captor. I am her enemy. She should hate me. She should despise me. And yet she doesn't. She greets me like I am her friend. It bothers me.

I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with this little charade of mine. It almost feels like it is suffacating me. I act as if nothing has changed, but in reality the whole world has. I don't think I can hide it anymore. Just the thought of a heart can send me off in a rampage!

"You know, if I didn't know any better," A voice interrupted my thoughts. "I'd say you're getting a little too comfy with our little pet there Ulquiorra."

I frowned. Ah great. That's just what I need. An annoying Espada who loves to push me over the edge. "What do you want Grimmjow?"

The panther-like hollow chuckles. "Aren't we happy today?"

I growled. "If you have nothing to say to me, get out."

"Hey. I'm an Esapda too there chief. I go where I please, when I please. No one can stop me. Not even you."

I inclined a brow. "Is that so?"

He winked at me. Either out of a serious matter, or joking. I hoped it was the latter. "Still...I stand by my thoughts."

I glanced at my already tightening grip on the door handle to the labratory. "I could really care less. Now get lost."

I didn't expect him to leave, nor did I expect him to stay. He followed me in as soon as I opened up the door. He was acting like a lost puppy which annoyed me to no end. If he didn't stop I was going to snap his little neck. I smirked at the thought.

"What're you doing here? More of your heart research? Isn't that a little old?" He questioned peering at all the chemicals in the glasses scattered around the room.

I picked up one marked 'acid.' Oooh did this look tempting. "Actually no."

"Hm? Then why-?"

"I'm here because Szayel asked me to be."

He blinked. "What? Why?"

"He's doing research on the human body. He asked for my help, and I agreed."

Grimmjow stared at me with a shocked expression on his face. "The...Human body?"

I nodded. It wasn't that complicated. "Yes. Lord Aizen asked him to research it. If anything were to happen to Orihime Inoue suddenly..." I paused. "Like a illness for example, he would want to know how it happened and how to get rid of it. She is here for Lord Aizen. We don't want her suddenly not being able to use her powers now would we?"

"I still think it's sick."

"Think what you like. It's not going to change my mind."

It was quiet after that to which I am thankful for. For a second I thought that the 6th Espada would never shut up. I don't know why he stopped talking now, but I wasn't about to question it. I was glad of the sudden silence. I was never really one for conversation anyway.

"So tell me Ulquiorra..." There goes that beautiful silence. "How does the human heart sound?"

I blinked. What? He knew? But how! I made sure no one was following me that night. The corridors were completely empty! The only room that is even somewhat close to Orihime's room is mine. Everyone else is on different floors! But then how...?

"I do not know what you mean."

He glanced at a poster hanging above the wall. "Don't lie. I know what you did. You left your room and went to the pet's in the middle of the night. And you listened to her heart. A sweet action yes but..." He turned to where I stood. "It is completely sick."

"Say what you'd like. I won't stop you. But don't go around spreading fake rumours. Lord Aizen will surely hear about it."

"As if I care one lick about what he thinks."

"Oh?"

"Tell me..." He paused. "Does it sound like...this?" He made a fist in his left hand and tried to copy the sound of a heart. He made a soft drumming sound, and for a moment, just for a moment, I felt as if I were back in Orihime's room listening to her heart's beat.

"You sick twisted ba-"

"Ah ah ah!" He laughed shaking his finger at me. "You know what Aizen says about language."

"Language? Since when did you care about that?"

"I don't. But you just proved to me what you did. Hm. I never thought of you to do something as sick and perverted as listening to a girl's heart."

"A heart is a heart. No matter who it belongs to. Why does it matter that I listened to hers?"

"Your head," He flicked my hair, "Against a girl's chest." He poked mine. "Equals sick."

Truth was, yes I did know where my head was, what I was doing, and all that. The thought of where it was caused heat to rise in my body. I don't know why though. I'm sure I want to know too.

"Hmm... I wonder what it would feel like?"

My eyes widened.

He eyed me in a teasing matter. "If you were to hold one's heart while it was still beating?"

I swallowed.

"To hold it in your hands...the blood dripping down from fingers like water...?"

I could feel my body shake with...anticipation?

"To feel it pulse in your palm?"

My hands clenched and unclenched very slowly. Almost agonizingly slow.

"To see it move...to see it beat?"

I shifted from one foot to another.

"And...to see the bloodied body of the one you took the heart from at your feet? With their chest open for all to see?"

I could actually taste my anxiety in my mouth. I could feel it water...

"I wonder what the heart would smell like? Meat? Blood? A mix of both? Hmm...for all I know it could smell like strawberries."

My eyes shifted to his. I watched him move around me in circle. A predator waiting for its prey.

"What..." He smirked. "Would a heart taste like I wonder? I bet the taste would blow your mind."

My breathing stopped. All the images that I was trying to keep away from my mind were popping up like daises. I could see myself walking in Orihime's room completely calm. She would smile at my presence and wave, 'Hey Ulquiorra." She would greet me as usual.

I would smirk and nod to her. Perhaps I'd start a conversation with her? She'd have no idea of what was coming... And after a while, after I got her talking, maybe even make her laugh or smile, I'd take her hand. I'd help her up to a standing position. I would talk to her. Compliment her. Make her nervous but excited. Slowly very slowly, I would trail my hand from hers up to her elbow, her shoulder, all the way to her cheek. I'd move from her cheek to her left shoulder, down her neck (maybe pause at the base of her neck where my hollow hole is) and even more slower I would trail my hand all the way to her chest. To the place where her heart was.

She would give me a questioning gaze, but would not stop me. I'd say something about the heart and my want for one. She'd still probably question me and my motives but would still make no movement to end this. I'd lean in close to her ear, whisper about the heart, and all. Graze my lips on her neck, her cheeks, her nose, eyes, and forehead. But never her lips...Not yet. I'd take off her jacket and let it fall to the floor. Now that her shoulders were bare I'd kiss them each. Yes, I was well aware that I was tormenting her. But that was the point.

After a while, I'd finally kiss her lips. I'd start off slow, so very slow. Like I was barely even there. Then gradually I'd add more power, more force. Slow but passionate. Eventually I'd speed up, but only by a little.

As soon as she was into it, I would use one of my free hands to charge up my Cero. Then, with enough power I would release it. Not enough power to kill her. I still wanted her alive. But enough to injure and for her to stop.

As slowly as I possibly could I'd open up her already bleeding chest. She would still be alive, I'd make sure of that. And I would reach in and grab her still beating heart.

'This belongs to me.' I would say caressing it before taking it out of her body.

Because she'd be dead now or dying at least, I'm not sure what I'd do. Maybe I would look at it, savoring the sight. I would cherish the feel of it move and pulse in my hand. As wrong as it would be, I guess I would smell it. The thought did strike curiousity in me I'd admit. For all I know maybe I would have a taste. Surely it would taste like blood yes?

And after all that I would still...-

Coming back into reality I shook my head. The image, it was like life to me right now, it seemed all to real for me. I could see and make out everything that was happening. It was as if it were happening right now and I was filming it with my eyes.

I swallowed feeling sick. How could I even...? I was ashamed.

"Would feel pretty good...yeah?"

I glared at him with as much force and anger as I could.

"You want a heart so badly, you'd go against Aizen's own wishes to fulfill your own." He twirled around to the other side of me. "You want one so badly you're willing to kill. A miracle in itself I must admit."

I bit my lip. 'Do not play his game. He's doing this to torment you. To torture you.'

"Face it Ulquiorra you want one so badly you'd do anything. You want to hold a heart in your own hands. You want to feel it with your own touch. To hear it...within your own body...You want one."

...

"You want to own one. To possess it just for the sake of possessing. You want one just because you can!"

...Do not fall for his game. Do not!

"Face it. You're yearning for it. You're yearning for a heart. You want to possess it all don't you?"

Once again the image I'd been trying to repress came up again. Before I could even think I ran out of the room. I ran as far as I could physically go to get away from Grimmjow, the labratory, even myself. It was just becoming too real for me. I had to leave. I had to get away.

Yearning, wanting, possessing? Just for the sake of it? It was...true. It was all true. It was becoming too much for me. This was too hard to deal with anymore. Every second feels like an eternity. I can barely see straight even think straight!

The desire of having a heart, The desire to want a heart...? It was overtaking me.

'I covet because of the heart.'

** -OoO-**

**心在るが故に傲り****I am prideful because of the heart**

I'm not really sure of who I am or what I am anymore really. I do know what I am, 'Espada,' 'Arrancar,' 'Hollow...' It's just that now, 'wanting of the heart' and all is confusing me. Each day is harder than the last. I feel as if life itself is suffocating me except I can't die from it.

A part of me wants to ask Lord Aizen about all this and what has happened. But I know better. If I do, surely he would be upset with me. So I keep to myself. I know Lord Aizen is wondering what's going on with me. I will come to the meetings and not say anything (not that I usually do) and leave without a word. I am almost constantly in my corridors or just wandering down the halls aimlessly. I will still go to see Orihime as is part of my duties but I will not say a word to her. I go there, give her food if need be and leave. That's all.

Come to think of it, I'm sure everyone is questioning what is happening with me as of late. I do not blame them for doing so but I do wish they would stop. I find it very distracting when all their eyes are on me. Even Gin is asking me 'what's up' everytime I pass him.

Another duty has been passed on to me. I have been required to watch the trash that belonged Orihime. I've been watching the progress made by Ichigo Kurosaki and his friends as they train to come and take back Orihime or so we think. All the training in the world won't help them, I can assure you that.

Still I find it rather odd how far they are willing to go to get her. Ichigo keeps claiming that they share a 'bond' or something. Pitiful really.

But I find myself wondering as to what a 'bond' is and why it is so special. What differences can it make? A 'bond' won't win a battle. Stragedy and strength do.

Ichigo almost has the same amount of strength that Orihime does when it comes to the heart. He talks about the heart the way she does. He praises it as if it were a God something. It's because of this fact that I am so angered at him. He flaunts it as if it were a new toy. He uses it but for his own selfish reasons.

It angers me that he can have something that I want so badly and not care for it. I don't understand it...

He acts like he is some big shot or something, that without him the world would surely perish. It annoys me. How can someone act so...narcissistic?

But it isn't just that trash bag. Oh no. Practically every human acts that way. Because they have a heart and because they are alive they act as if the world is so much better with them in it. They are just one fraction of the entire world's population. One person does not make a difference. And yet these people...

"I do not understand them." I say quietly.

"Understand who?" The familair gruff voice asks.

"People. Humans. Those filth."

"...Why do you say that?"

"Because Yammy," I sigh. "They act as if they are on the same level as a God. That they are worthy of the same respect. It's disgusting. They are so full of themselves it makes me sick."

The tall dark male crossed his arms. "Well I guess so. But it's because they're so weak and pathetic idiots, it makes our jobs more easier and enjoyable. Because they don't realize how foolish they are. It's amusing."

"You think it's funny, I think it's just pitiful."

"Humans are inferiour creatures. What do you expect?"

I sighed again. It was time to leave. "Not much I can assure you that." I admit walking out of the room.

"Where're you going?" He called out.

"To see Orihime. It's been an hour." I called back walking away more quickly. The sooner I was away from seeing those humans and all the better. But going to a human didn't make the situation easier for me. But out of all the humans out there, I think Orihime would be the only one I was actually willing to talk to and can stand both physically and mentally.

"I'm coming in." I announce just like any other time before I enter. I say this to make sure she knows. She asked me to do this for her own peace of mind. At first I was hesitant but I quickly forgot about that as I understood what she had meant by 'peace of mind.' I'm sure walking in on something while ther were changing for example wouldn't be enjoyable. You can thank Halibel for the rest of the information I needed for why I should say when I am coming into the room.

As usual Orihime glanced at me as soon as she heard the door close. "Hi."

"Hello."

She got up from her sitted position, brushing the dust off of her clothing. "Anything new?"

She is not aware of my current mission, that I am sure of. So when she says 'new' it is beyond my comprehention to what she may be referring to. Still, I will answer her.

"I'm more annoyed at the human race than ever."

She blinked. "W-What? Why?" She blinked again. "Is it me?"

"You are probably the only human I will ever be able to stand." I admit walking around the room. It's a force of habit. When I don't want to look someone in the eye I will do something that prevents either of the persons from doing so. Usually I will distract myself by either walking, or by forcing my attention away from them.

"Oh...Well thank you. But why say that you hate humans? Have they done something wrong?"

"Yes." I glanced at her eyes quickly. "They act so full of themselves. They act so righteous just because they have something not everyone does. It's sickening."

"Full...of...themselves?"

"They have hearts. And because of that they think they are far more superior than everyone else. They give no other thoughts to who may or may not have one. It's disgraceful."

"I wouldn't say that."

"Please. What else could there be?"

"Humans aren't full of themselves. Okay well some are...but most aren't. We are all equal people. Both in and out."

"Equal?"

"Uh-huh. Equal. No one is above anyone else. So what if we have hearts? It doesn't make us any more or less than someone else. Just because I have a heart doesn't make me more superior than you, or even Lord Aizen. A heart doesn't make you stronger nor does it make you weaker. It helps to prove to people that you are who you are."

I blinked. I understood what she meant...more or less. But I didn't believe it it. But I knew what she meant.

"Nor does not having a heart make you superior or inferior."

"So you are saying you are equal to me?"

"And you are equal to me. Yes."

I shook my head. Lies. Stupid lies. "Never."

"Hm?"

I sneered. "Never. You nor I would ever be equal. It's impossible. Lies. Never." Without a second look back I walked...stormed out. She was wrong. Me be equal to her? Never. I am...superier. She was a hostage here. She was a captive. She had nearly no rights whatsoever. How dare she compare herself to me? I was an Espada. I was the FOURTH Espada. She was a human. I was a Hollow.

Equality? That would never exist. There would always be people who think they are better. There would always be people who believe they are far more superior. There will always be people who will be less because of money, sex, nationality, whatever! ...It was the way the the world. It will never be equal. I would never be equal.

Orihime didn't compare to me. She was a human. A human with powers but a human nonetheless. I was a Hollow. I need not fear death because I was already dead. I am able to live on forever if I wanted to. I have powers she wouldn't be able to even imagine. We weren't on the same level.

She has a heart. And I don't. That's reason enough to prove that we aren't equal. I do not have something that proves you are alive...Then... in saying that...was I nothing? Because I did not have a heart...I wasn't alive? I didn't even exist?

If that were the case...that I didn't exist...I will surely change that fact. I know I exist because I am here. Yes I am dead but I am still here. I can still blink, move, bleed (still not sure how though) and do anything I wanted too! Because I could that meant I was here. Alive, dead...it didn't matter!

Even so, if not having a heart meant you were not real...I wasn't going on to keep living without existing. If getting a heart meant I could exist and actually 'be' I would get it within one second. I was still in this world...that meant I was still here and therefore I am real.

As soon as I get that proof of my reality, that heart, I will show them...everyone, what it means to be powerful. What true strength is. I will show them all what it meant to be worthy. Those people do not deserve hearts. They use and abuse them. They do not have thanks for them. I will show them. If anyone was going to be superior it'd be me as soon as I have that beating life in me. Then...I will prove to them.

But without a heart, right now, that still meant I was not here. And because I was not here I didn't exist. So if I didn't exist that did technically mean that Orihime was better then me. Greater. She was alive still. She had a heart. _She _was superior...She was greater because she had something that I didn't have but wanted yet could not get...

"We will never be equal little girl." I whisper. "Never."

Was I better than her? Was she better than me? As soon as I grab that beating organ I will ask. I will prove. To them all. I am still here. I'd rather die then be forgotten...Once I get the heart, they will fear me. Bow down to me. Because I will be greater!

'I am prideful because of the heart.'

**-OoO-**

**心在るが故に惰り（あなどり）****I sloth because of the heart**

The more time passes now the more I visit the girl. In fact I find that I am almost constantly with her. If I had to put it in numerial terms... at least 3/4's of each day, I am with her now. And not just for a mintue or 10. No. Not even for 30 mintues. I am there for hours. I could stay in her room for so long just talking to her, I can very well be in there up until the next day...

I am not a fan of this. While I agree that Orihime is a very intriging girl, I must stop myself from seeing her. The images, the fire, even reality is getting to me. And is gettting that much more harder to deal with. The growing urge to take her heart fills me up so much I cannot stand it. In fact I don't even bother with anything else. It is the only thing on my mind. And the only thing stopping me from taking it is my already failing will power. It won't be long before I will be unable to control it any more.

I'm contemplating on what I should do. It is killing me inside that I can't seek out Lord Aizen's help, no matter how much I want to. But then again if I even went to Syazel or any of the other Espada...They won't understand. They will judge me. Gin is out of the question. And Tousen? No. Never.

So basicallly I was in a war with myself. Which I am fine with for the most part. But it still bothers me that no one can ease this growing...pain for me. I guess I could even tell Orihime...but if I do that means admitting my desire for her heart. I'm pretty sure she won't appritiate that.

So here I am thinking of what to do. I am lost. For the first time I actually do not know what to do. And it scares me. I don't know what to do, I don't know who I can talk to, I don't even know who I am right now. I am lost. I feel so...broken right now words cannot even begin to describe it. I'm...scared? No. Nervous? Not really. Worried? Eh...I think I am concerned. I am concerned for myself. But not just for me. I think I'm more concerned for the girl. If anything that scares me.

"Well now," A voice breaks my trainwreck of emotions. "I'd never expect to see you so...drained."

"I beg your pardon Lord Gin?" I didn't have to look up to recognize that...irritating voice. It sounded so happy and carefree. Nothing like it's user I assure you.

"Oh just making a quick observation really. Nothing to worry about Ulquiorra."

"You say that," I said closing my eyes. "But I do not believe you."

"Ohh? I'm hurt."

I sighed. I can't even begin to tell you how much Gin...gets on my nerves. I don't have anything against him. I really don't. But he is just the most...confusing person I have met...besides from the girl but that was different. Gin was constatnly smiling and acting as if he didn't care. It bothered me someone could not care. I didn't see it as a possible thing.

"Lord Aizen..." Gin stated walking away with nothing but a wave. "Wants to see you."

"The reason?" I blinked following his retreating figure.

He glanced back at me, as usual his eyes permantly closed and that 'fake' grin on his face. "Who knows? I'm just the messenger."

As he walks away I cannot help but scowl. Liar. Messenger? Really? He was using that card again? He hides behind his own shadow. It's disgraceful to all Arrancars and Hollows everywhere. Why Aizen trusts him? I have no clue even now.

I knew Aizen hated to be kept waiting, so I quickly made my way to his room. I wasted to time in letting myself in and slowly bowing to show my gratitude for letting him let me be here, (not that I had a choice) and for just plain old respect.

I admire Lord Aizen. I really do. I will glady throw down my life for him. I believe in his views of overthrowing the Soul Society. They had their time. It's ours now. Especially for shunning us just for being 'hollows.' Or just because we are different. I believe that with Aizen we can create a new ruling. One that is just...for all.

I am forever loyal to Lord Aizen. Not just because I believe in his views but because Lord Aizen had saved me from myself a long time ago.

From what I am aware the way I became a Hollow is not a pretty one. From what I hear or used to anyway (everyone stopped talking about it for a while) it was extrememly gruesome. Although I'm not even aware of it now.

When I turned into a hollow the only thing I wanted (I think) was to gain more power so I wouldn't lose. I lost once at the cost of my life, I wouldn't anymore. So I did all I could to gain power. I'd eat souls of those humans, and even my fellow hollows. I guess I gained so much souls that I became one of the Gillians (one of the three types of the Menos Grande). I still wanted power. I did all I could to gain more. I wasn't about to lose anytime soon. Then I became an Adjucha (the second of the Menos Grande). But even then I was still not satisfied. I guess I must have heard how hard it was to become the third and highest level of Menos Grande, the Vasto Lorde. But I wasn't giving up. I would become the greatest Hollow even if it killed me. I don't know how long it took, but eventually after what might have been years, I became one.

Was I satisfied with that? I'm not sure. But I do know that after I became a Vasto Lorde, I removed my mask. I had heard that removing it can give you enormous amounts of strength but there is a cost. If you are too weak it will consume you. I wasn't sure if mine would or not. But I wasn't about to give up. I wasn't going to lose anymore. That I was sure of.

When I removed it and gained power, (which to this day I am thankful for) I also gained the appearance of those who are human. I wasn't fully a human in appearance I admit, but I did look nothing like a Hollow except for the obvious characteristics. My partially broken mask that laid upon the left side of my head, and my Hollow Hole that was at the base of my neck. Other than that I guess I looked human.

When you remove your Hollow mask and survive you become an Arrancar. It was at that day when I did just that that I became just that.

Normally, Hollows don't remember their human pasts...For some reason...I could. I don't know why but I did. I could remember everything about myself when I was human. Everything. The good and the bad. It was all too clear for me. It was like watching a movie on your eyes day after day after day. You could not stop it.

I hated it. I did not want to recall my past. Seeing it made me think of how weak I was. How I wasn't able to stop my death. It made me sick to think that I could have been so idiotic.

I cried a lot when I was human. A lot. Tears were constantly pouring down form my eyes. I despised myself after seeing this reply over and over and over...and over.

I guess I became very powerful because of how much I hated myself. I didn't want to be anything like my human self. I wanted to stay away...far away from that. Eventually Lord Aizen sought me out after knowing how powerful I was or was becoming. He found me and asked me to come to him. I said I would on two conditions. The first was that I didn't want to feel emotions anymore. I didn't want to feel sadness, anger, guilt, regret, sorrow...any of them. Not even joy. None. I didn't want to feel anything. And the other condition? Was to forget all that had happened as soon as I joined. I didn't want to remember being human, or being a hollow, gaining power as a hollow...anything. I wanted to forget it all.

Aizen agreed to these so long as he could use my forgotten memory to his advantage. He gave me the power of a new memory. To be able to 'film' with my eyes, and then show what I saw to anyone I pleased. If I would agree to that, he'd agree to my conditions and all will be fair. I did.

He took my into Las Noches and told me he was going to make me even more powerful for beneficial reasons. I had no rejections to that. As soon as that happened I turned into what you know as an Espada. After that moment I forgot all that had happened to me until that point.

Now how do I know all my past if my wish was to forget? Simple. Overhearing the other Espada's conversations about me. Piece something with something else, you'll solve the puzzle. I did just that.

So this is why I am grateful to Lord Aizen. He saved me from myself. He gave me a new life. He gave me something to live for. He gave me power. He gave me a reason. If anything that is something I will always remember...

"You wished to see me Lord Aizen?"

"Aa yes. Ulquiorra." He gave a side glance to me before once again closing his eyes. "I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Oh? Is that so?"

"Tell me...How are your duties going so far? Any new information on Ichigo?"

I blinked. I had been spending so much time with Orihime that I had been ignoring my other duties as an Espada.

"Not anything worthy of reporting no." I lied.

"Is that so? He paused. "I'm sorry to hear that Ulquiorra."

I shut my eyes slightly. "I wouldn't bother worrying over my Lord. Ichigo and those trash of his will never make it here. And even if they did," My clutch on my Zanpakuto tightened. "I would gladly cut them for you."

A small smile appeared on his lips. "Oh? Well thank you Ulquiorra. It is nice to know that you are willing to do so for me. I'm glad you fulfill your duties so well. I can always count on you."

I blinked. I knew he didn't believe my lie. But why was he making any move to show that? Was he just playing on because he wanted to see my reaction? Or was he doing it because he didn't want to bother with me? It didn't make any sense. I knew that Aizen knew I was lying. It was obvious. But why wasn't he...?

"I'm letting you figure out the right path."

"I...Right path? My Lord?"

"It's like a game you see. You and I both know you are not telling the truth. However that being said you and I both know that I am not willing to do anything about it either. I know, you know. I see no point. I'll let you find the approroiate judgement for your own actions."

"How long have you known?"

"Since it started."

"Even with the-"

"All along I'm afraid."

My eyes narrowed. So it was true. He knew everything even without me telling him so. This just got complicated. "I...see."

"I have to say though Ulquiorra. I'm both surprised and a little disappointed."

"..."

"I'm surprised because of how much you are determined to get a human heart. It's admirable. That being said your motives displease me."

"I apologize for that my Lord."

"And I'm also surprised by how far you are willing to go to get the heart and hide it from everyone else. Even me."

"..."

"However I am also disappointed in you. You go around sneaking to try to accomplish your goal without telling your superior. And you're lying. That is very unlike you you know."

"I'm aware of it all sir."

He smiled more waving me off. "As long as you're aware I need not worry. Thank you for your time Ulquiorra."

I glanced up in shock. He wasn't...going to punish me? He wasn't going to rip me of my duties? He wasn't going to lower my rank? He wasn't going to do...anything? But...why? It didn't make any sense. If he knew all along why didn't he say so sooner? And why wouldn't he punish me? I was going against him and yet he was acting as if nothing had changed. It didn't make any sense to me.

"As you wish...Lord Aizen." I whispered getting up and leaving. I was confused. He wasn't going to do anything? At all? But why? He knew what I was doing. I know what I was doing was wrong. Shouldn't he...?

My mind went through all the different scenarios it could come up with and yet none made any sense to me. I couldn't figure out why Aizen would not punish me. It bothered me. I should get punished. I went against him. I bent the rules so they would fit me. I broke the laws here. And yet here I am the same as ever. 'What is he thinking?'

A sigh escaped me as I leaned against the wall. This was...It was making my head spin. All of these emotions, and the 'wanting,' and the 'not-punishing,' and practically everything was just too much. I was tired of it all.

"Need rest there Number Four?"

I closed my eyes not bothering to see who it was.

"It isn't like you to be sleeping...much less here."

I was tempted to say 'who cares?' But I found I could not. I could not find the strength to open my mouth. I could not find the strength to move my body. I couldn't even get the strength to open up my eyes. I was so tired. I was...exhausted.

"Tsk, Tsk Ulquiorra. What will Aizen think?"

Their voice, whoever it was, was slowly becoming slurred to me as if they were drunk themselves. I'm pretty sure Hollows can't get drunk though. But it sounded that way. Their voice was slowly becoming more and more distint to me until it was just a soft murmour of nothing. It didn't seem right to me. Was I...

Before I could even try to understand what was going on my world went black. I heard nothing. Felt nothing. Smelled nothing (not that I would want to). Taste nothing. And see nothing. It was...nothing. I was in nothing...

I'm not sure what exactly had happened. From what I recall I was just leaving Aizen's chambers when someone started talking to me. I was in the hallway...right? Then why am I suddenly here...?

I glanced around me. I was in my dorm. My room. On my bed. As if I were sleeping. But if I were all the way by Aizen...how'd I end up...?

I could sense no Spirit Energy around me. Whoever brought me here was long gone. I couldn't even tell who it was. The only Spirit Energy that was close by was that of Orihime's. And she still was far away from where I was at the moment.

I blinked. 'Who...brought me here?' It couldn't have been just anyone. Not many of the Espada were willing to help out another. Yammy? Grimmjow? Nnoitra?

I rubbed my eyes. I was still very tired. I'm not even sure as to why I am though. I slept...yesterday? The day before yesterday? I actually wasn't sure anymore.

It felt as if I could fall asleep right now and stay that way forever. I don't think I had ever been this tired in my life. Not even after fighting all of the Espada the day I became one...Okay so there were three others besides me but that was besides the point.

I tried as hard as I physically could to try and get up, but my body screamed in protest. Looks like I was staying here for the time being.

But what about my duties? I had to find out what Ichigo was up to. But Yammy was also doing that with me so...But what about Orihime? I was assigned to her as her care-taker. If there was anything that needed to be completed it was that. But even as I begged myself to get up, I still could not. I was staying here. For a long time too.

"I feel so useless." I murmured to myself shifting to a more comfortable position on my bed.

I felt lazy. Like I was doing nothing. I was doing nothing. I was just lying here and it wasn't about to change anytime soon either. My body had shut itself off and away from my brain. It was ignoring all my pleas to get up and move. Heck even my mind shut itself off. I could barely even function correctly right now.

I groaned covering my face with my hands. This was so unlike me. Why was I being so lazy? I was never like this before...Why now? Why am I like this? I have things to do...

The only word my mind gave out to me was 'sloth.' And it echoed in the entire room...or at least it seemed that way. It repeated over and over. Bouncing off the walls. Sloth, sloth, sloth.

Once again I felt myself slip away into nothingness which I knew was my unconscienceness. But I wasn't about to fight it. Truth was, I wanted to sleep. Forever and beyond if I could.

Have I mentioned how much I hate myself yet?

'I sloth because of the heart.'

**-OoO-**

**心在るが故に怒り****I rage because of the heart**

I'm unsure of most things right now actually. In fact I don't think that there is anything out here right now that makes sense to me anymore. Everything is just...random. I'm not sure if it is me thinking this or maybe it is everyone else along with me. Either way doesn't matter. Here in Hueco Mundo, I am at a complete loss. I...Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing I see, hear, or feel...I cannot understand. Not anymore at least. I thought I did, but now, as my mind is being all jumbled and I cannot think clearly, I think that perhaps nothing did make any sense from the start.

Maybe I'm over thinking it. I mean, being a Hollow made sense to me. Gaining more power made sense to me. Defeating anyone in Aizen's path...made sense to me. And yet now that I am thinking about it, it doesn't.

Or you know, in all honesty, I think it was just this heart situation that made no sense to me. Even after...what very well could be a month or two months (Time is different here) of research with me. I still have not found the answers I seek. I'm not sure as to why though. I had found practically everyhting a heart does...! Except for the emotion part. That I cannot find. And Orihime refuses to answer what could be my never-ending questions on the matter. Well it's not like she refuses...she just goes onto another topic of conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

I don't see how it is possible really. One moment she can be asking me about Hollows, (she usually has somehting to ask) and then I simply ask the question I've been wanting to have an answer for, then she says something like..."Have you ever been to an amusement park?" Really? Why...would _I_...ever go to a cheap thrill such as an amusement park? It never made any sense to me.

I watched as she twisted in her hair in thought. Once again I had asked my question, once again she did not answer. It was like a broken record. It always repeated.

"Why do you refuse to answer my questions woman? Is it that complicated?"

"Hmm?" She blinked. "Well no. Not really."

"Then will you answer?"

"Nope." Why did she sound so happy?

"Why not?" I usually don't press things but this was annoying me. It was a simple question! Simple!

"I'm in no position to answer."

What? Was that her excuse? Really? She was...annoying me so much right now..."Why?"

"Because. It all depends on who you ask. I may say this, but...someone like Ichigo..."

Oh great. Him. Why was she so interested in him? He was so...plain. So boring. He was nothing. Trash! In fact he was lower than trash. He was dirt...in the trash. Truth be told, whenever she mention his name, something built up inside of my body. I don't know what. But as soon as his name escaped her lips, I found myself wanting to kill him in the most ruthless way.

"Or Uruyu...or even Chad. Ask any of them and they would all say something different. It depends on who you ask Ulquiorra. Everyone has their own answers."

I sigh. "Then what is your answer?"

"I don't know."

I brought my hand to my face trying to resist the urge to groan within my palms. Was she really serious? No answer? ...This girl... What was with her? Who did she think she was? What was she? I try and try to get my answers and I make no avail. I don't think I have ever been so angry in my life...

"Hey Ulquiorra? I have a question."

"..." I will murder this girl if something doesn't happen soon. "What?"

"Espada have numbers on them to show when they were created right?"

"Something like that yes. Why?"

"Well...What number are you?"

I blinked. Wow. She had asked a reasonable question for once. It shocked me actaully. This question made sense. It was understandable...Not some random question that made me want to kill something. But a question worthy of an answer.

I very slowly removed my hands form my face. 'Calm Ulquiorra. Calm.' If she wanted to know, I guess I wasn't against answering. After all it was a simple question. Perhaps if I answered hers would she answer mine...again?

I unzipped my jacket and casually removed it off of my body to show her my number. There on my left side, was the large black 'four' that marked me as the fourth Espada.

Her eyes grew wide as she peered at my chest. "Oh wow!" She breathed. "Four! That's my favorite number!"

I blinked. And here we were back at random street. You can hear my happiness.

She took a few stepped closer to me and brought her outstretched hand to touch the skin. I made no movement to stop her. Why? I'm not sure. This action was peculiar yes, but I was interested in how this scene would play out.

Her hand was surprisingly warm for that of a human. It felt...nice. It slowly grazed over my chest. From my shoulders, down to my stomach. Finally she pressed her hand to the scar that marked me. It was a light touch, barely there. As if to show that she was scared to touch me, not sure what would happen.

"You're...so...cold." She whispered.

"I'm dead. Do you expect the deceased to have warm skin? Their veins are empty. No organs are alive and working...To keep them warm."

She nodded slightly embarrassed by her question. If I were human I would be too I guess. But I'm not, there I am not.

She blinked looking at my Hollow Hole. That was the one thing she did not go near. No matter how much she wanted to. It was as if there was a sheild blocking her from doing so. Or something.

"M-May...I?"

I did not answer. Truth be told, I did not know what would happen if someone were to touch it. In fact most of the time I barely even knew it was there. However I was also intruged like her as to what may happen. Curiousity over took me as I nodded to her request.

Her fingers brushed the edge of the circle. I could feel it, but it was not anything remotely interesting. It didn't cause me pain or anything for that matter. It was as if she was just touching my hand.

Very slowly her hands went somewhat into the Hollow Hole. She was still very shy. I did not blame her. I was too.

"Why...Do you..have it?"

"I'm a Hollow. It shows where my soul and heart left when I died. This is the scar that remains."

"It's so sad."

"Do not pity me girl. I do not need it."

A small broken smile appeared onto her lips. Without a second to waste, her entire hand was now through. At first I didn't feel a thing. So I paid no attention to it. But as soon as her entire hand entered my other scar's domain, something errupted. I didn't know what it was at first. It was like a small numbing feeling. But it soon grew. It grew into this enormous...agonizingly...painful feeling. It felt as if my chest was on fire. It felt as if someone was strangling the little breath I had out of me. It felt as if someone took a heavy bladed sword and stabbed me with it over and over, dragging it out of the sides of my body. I felt like I was dying. I couldn't see, couldn't breathe, couldn't move!

"Hah!" I groaned in pain grabbing her hand and tearing it away from my body. 'Get it away from me!' My mind screamed. I obeyed. It was true I couldn't see, so I had to rely on my sense of hearing, touch and smell to guide me. My grip tightend on her arms and with all the force I could muster I threw her. I threw her right into the wall. I wanted her away from me. She was killing me!

After the large and loud 'thwack' echoed in the room I opened my eyes realizing now what I had done. I had just threw a poor and defenseless girl inot the wall. I could and possibly have killed her. Oh...God...

I blinked trying to clear my blurry vision and glanced around. Where was she?

"Mmm..." A soft moan came from the corner.

"Ori...hime? I questioned. What had I done? What just happened?

When I reached her limp body on the floor I almost...I don't know. I almost had or did something but I'm not sure. My body was doing its own actions now. My mind was out. My body was relying on itself for movement.

The wall, was cracked slightly, but not broken. So I didn't use as much strength as I first thought.

Orihime was...I'm not sure. She was limp but alive. She was breathing. That was a good sign.

"Inoue?" I asked softly.

"Mmm..." Another groan.

I lightly shook her. "Inoue get up."

Her eyes opened up slightly. That was good.

"Are you alright little girl?"

"..." She did not answer me.

"Orihime?"

Her body shook. It was probably from the shock of my throwing her. She was bleedig but not as much as I first thought to which I was thankful for. She must have used some of her abilities at the last possible moment.

I gradually lifted her body off of the ground. "Are you..."

Tears streamed down her face and that scared me. She was in pain. Pain that I caused...

"I..." Her voice was so quiet I had to strain to hear it.

"I...apologize." I said as quiet as I could. "For hurting you. I did not realize my actions until it was too late. And for that I am sorry."

More tears fell down her face as I waited for an answer. I did not get one. She was angry...I could that much.

"..."

"You will not answer?"

"..."

I bit my lip. Why must she be so...frustrating! I have never seen this before and her not doing anything is killing me!

"..."

"Heal yourself then. Aizen does not wish for you to be injured or hurt...yet."

"..."

I sighed. "Will you do anything?"

"..."

I shook my head. She was disobeying me for somehting that was not under my control. And it bothered me. I said 'sorry' wasn't that enough?

"D-Did I hurt you?" Her voice was still very soft even for her.

I blinked. I wasn't expecting her to ask me that question. "...Slightly." I admitted. "I never expected pain to come when someone is in contact with that of a Hollow's Hole. I was...unprepared for what came. I...apologize for that as well."

"W...What did it feel like?"

"As if someone was killing me a thousand times over."

"Oh. I'm...sorry..."

I will not lie. Her apologizing was annoying me to no end. I really wish she would shut up...

I realized at this moment that anything I say or do wouldn't help her. She was in pain and shock. The best thing I could do for her right now was leave and let her deal with it her own way. More so, her not obeying and just doing her own thing was really starting to tick me off. I don't think I could handle any more without doing something in which I would regret five minutes later. I don't want to repeat anything.

So I just left. She obviously didn't need me, or the fact I'm the reason she's injured and she doesn't want to be by me. Either way, I wasn't going to be in this room for the remainder of today...and possibly tomorrow.

She gave me a simple glance...and for a moment I thought I saw sadness or something. But I didn't bother to find out as the door shut and I made my way out of the hallway as fast as my legs could carry me. She was hurt yes...but more over I think I was too. I couldn't shake off her shocked face when she looked at me. Or her shaking body out of fear...It seemed as if it was tattooed into my very mind.

Once I was far enough away from her or anyone for that matter...I stopped and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I wasn't the one who got injured and yet my body was shaking just as much as hers was. Why?

Without even thinking I brought my hands up to touch the hole in my neck. I can still feel her touch there. I repeated the actions she had did, bringing my fingers through as slowly as I physically could. Yes. There was the sudden jolt of pain...

Just as before the pain felt as if it was killing me from the inside out. I wanted to bring my own hand out, but I needed to see for myself how long this would last.

Within a moments notice the pain sided to something a little more...barable. There was no doubt that it was still hurting me...I could feel that much. And yet, along with that pain there was something else. This...tingling sensation in my body...I didn't know what it was. But...it surprised me. It felt odd. Like someone was tickling me. To say that I enjoyed this feeling...was an understatement.

I bit my lip looking down. My emotions, if I had any, got the better of me. And because of that I had harmed an innocent person. Something I was completely against.

My emotions...Right. I can't help but feel angered. I let something trivial get the better of me and I ended up doing something that was against my self-imposed rules. More over I was angered at myself for being angry. For some reason the anger and madness within me from all those years I had been here, being stone-faced and all most of the time, came out within one blow. I hated that. How could something like this happen? Lord Aizen said emotions were something Hollows did not have. And yet here I was feeling rage.

I don't know what I was more angered about- the fact I had hurt Orihime just because of a simple action, myself for getting worked up over emotions, or that Aizen had lied to me. For each of these I felt emense rage. I was furious. But for what I was most furious about...I do not know.

'I rage becasue of the heart.'

**-OoO-**

**心在るが故に****Because of the heart**

I do not know how long it has been since Orihime Inoue has entered Hueco Mundo. I do not know how long it has been since she left the World of the Living. I do not know how much time has passed since she was made a 'prisoner' here. I do not know...Time passes here differently in the Hollow World then that of the Human's World. Whatever the time span may be I do know that Orihime has been here for a while. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad though...

She seems to be obeying Lord Aizen's commands. Whatever he says to do, she will do it. However she is mostly here for her ability, to defy time itself on people, meaning her 'healing' ability.

That is why she is here. And I know that the time will come when Lord Aizen does not need her here. When that day comes I know it will be my duty to 'eliminate' her. But...I can't help but feel upset at the thought.

Over the past few...days or however long she's been here, Orihime and I have become...closer. I think. She is the only person I am really willing to talk to. I actually do enjoy her company. It's a nice change I believe. Yes I'm aware that I'm an Espada so therefore I should comminucate with those of my kind...right? Well truth is for an Espada, it is survival of the fittest. None of the Espada really comminicate at all really unless need be. Most of the time when you pass one you just keep to yourself. You don't have anything to say so why would you speak? It is a rule I live by. If you don't have anything to say don't say anything at all.

But Orihime is different for me. She is the only person I will talk to. She is the only person to whom I'm willing to have a conversation with. She is the only person who I enjoy speaking to. She is the only person who seems to get me and understand me and accept me for who I am.

When I go to her, even for just a moment, she will always smile and greet me as a friend. She will talk to me as if I were human and treats me like an average normal person. Although I'm not sure what 'normal' is especially for someone such as herself. She is the least 'normal' person I've met anyway.

But...I like talking to her. I like being with her. It calms me down and makes me think as if I'm not some scary freak of nature. She makes me feel...accepted. Something I only dreamed of feeling...

She will speak to me whether I'm in a good mood or bad...Although because I show no emotion practically all the time I'm not sure what mood I may be in and therefore what catagory I fall under. Nonetheless I do appretiate her treating me as a someone rather than a no one.

My emerald eyes danced around, looking at every corner of my room, every speck of detail if there was any. I was glancing at everything and yet nothing. It was plain. That was the first thought that came into my mind. Plain. But I didn't care. It was simple. That was what I asked for. Simple. I didn't want anything too extravagent or too detailed that it would bother me. Something that was plain was the best. Simple was what I liked. And that was why my room was plain and simple.

I've haven't noticed how much time I have been spending here in my room up until now. But as I lay here I can remember every single time I've walked through those familiar stone doors. I've been walking through them a lot more often now then ever before. Why is that?

I have been more tired as of late. That I'm sure of. Most likely because of taking care of Orihime. I spend so much time with her I have trouble fulfilling my regular duties as well. One would think that talking or in this case complaining to Lord Aizen might solve it. But I do not wish to bother him with such petty things. I was an Espada. I am always able to complete my duties. I was strong, both in mind and body. I was able to handle it.

And yet handling these things was taking its toll on my body. I am more tired now than I ever was, and I become tired more frequently too. It must be because of my add-on duties. I didn't have to worry about anyone else other than myself before Orihime came. But now that she is here I have to make sure she is alive and well too.

I don't mind taking care of her at all. Quite the opposite really. It is just that it is very troublesome and tiresome after a while. I am here right now because of it.

Without thinking a yawn overcame me and caught me off guard. I must have been more tired than I first realized then. I wasn't sure if that was something to be worried over.

But within time as my thoughts wandered off, I felt my eyelids getting heavier and heavier. With each second they slowly closed until they were not open anymore. And with that thought, I found myself slowly dozing off to sleep. My mind completely let go of it's grip on my body and once again I found myself completely unconcious without my doing so.

I'm not sure when I woke up. Or whether it was of my own doing or not. But I do remember something on my chest, poking me. Shaking me. Shaking me hard and quickly. It bothered me. I don't think I'm a grumpy person when I wake up...but what do I know? I admit that I hate being woken up before I am ready to wake up though.

So when I felt my body move back and forth as if I were on a boat I immediatly gripped the thing touching me as tight as I could and growled a fierce, "Get out."

"B-But Ulquiorra..." A soft voice wimpered arousing me more from my sleep. "It's me."

My eyelids snapped open as I recognized the sweet female voice. "Ori...hime?" I moaned aloud my voice still heavy with sleep.

"MmHmm. I need you right now."

My vision was still blurry therefore I could not find her quite yet. "W-Why?"

"There's something wrong."

"What?"

"In my room. There's something there."

I blinked. She awoke me because of something in her room?

"It...I don't like it."

I sighed shaking her other hand off of me. Was she aware that I was still shirtless? "And you are telling me this?"

Her eyes shook a bit with worry. "I couldn't breathe!"

My mouth opened slowly but no words came out. "What?"

She nodded sitting upon the edge of my bed. "Yeah. It was like this pressure was...pushing down on me and I could not breathe! I was so scared. I couldn't move or anything."

"How did that happen?"

"I don't know." She mumbled sadly. "There was this figure in the doorway when I woke up...It sounded like laughter. But not the good kind. The kind where it's evil and all. I got scared. That's when the pressure started."

My eyes narrowed. From the sounds of things someone...probably an Espada...went into her room. Without **my** permission. What they were doing in there, I don't know. But from the way I see it, someone wanted Orihime. Then again that could be me jumping to conclusions...But I am standing my them until research proves me wrong.

"They were coming near me...Laughing as if it were a game! They kept saying something about 'fun' and all. That's when I used my powers to attack him and then I ran. The door was open and it was my only way out. After I got out I decided to find someplace to hide...that's when I found your room Ulquiorra."

The story made sense to me. I believed it. Orihime wasn't one to tell lies. It wasn't like her. She had no reason to anyway. And I knew that there were a few Espadas who'd love to get their hands on her. Grimmjow, Szayel, Nnoitra... My bets were on Nnoitra though. He was just...No.

"Did you see who they were?"

Her gaze went downwards. "N-no. I'm sorry."

I bit my lip. If she didn't see them then this just got harder. Without even having a slight description...I can't just accuse anyone of anything until solid proof.

I don't think Grimmjow would really have any use for Orihime...Or at least none I'm willing to admit. Sure he'd definatly be a candidate for 'fun.' That was obvious. But I didn't think Grimmjow was desperate enough to go against me...much less Lord Aizen. The guy was an idiot no doubt about that but he wasn't stupid. That I know.

The only reason Szayel would have is for his 'research.' But I'm almost positive he'd ask. Whether it was Aizen or myself. He wasn't the kind of guy who would do it for random sake. He would need a reason to do so if he was going to do it.

Now Nnoitra. I didn't even need to give him an explanation. On the first day Orihime arrived, and after the first three days even...He wanted to cause mischief. He wanted to 'punish' her. Disgusting trash.

I furrowed my eyebrows together. I didn't have evidence...But I was almost certain it was Nnoitra...

"Ulquiorra?"

I glared. "What is it now?"

"I-I..." She looked away. "I know I'm not supposed to be here...in your room and all. But...please? Can I stay with you? Even if for just a little while? I don't want to go back...Not now..." She looked as if she were on the verge of tears.

"You want to stay here?" I repeated.

"Here...with you...Just...I don't want to go back."

I contemplated for a moment. Sure the reasons behind for asking such a request seemed fair. That was agreeable. But for a human to stay here with an Espada freely? Much less a prisoner stay with a captor? That was rather strange wasn't it? Then again this entire situation was quite droll to me.

I thought for a moment. If she stayed here somone was bound to find out but at least she'd be safe and I could easily sense her spiritual pressure in case something happened. No one really entered rooms that they didn't belong in, meaning bedrooms, but I'm sure there would be that one case...On the other side though if she went back to her cell, I'd know where she was at all times, but risk her in the process. Criminals always return to the crime scene after all. However if she stayed with me the entire time...Two birds with one stone maybe?

"I would have to clear it with Lord Aizen first before anything."

She blinked confuseldy.

"But if it is so imperative that you must be with me...I see no problem. I can guarantee your safety yes...But the downside is that you would have literally be tied to my hip."

"It's okay." She smiled softly. "As long as I'm with you...It doesn't matter to me. I know I'll be okay."

I shook my head walking over to my dresser to get ready. She was far too trusting as a human. Moreover trusting your own captor...Something was wrong with her mind.

"You are far too trusting for your own good little girl."

"I know. But I also know that you weren't hurt me. You don't have the heart to do it."

I blinked. That word again. But she used it differenty then before...

"If you say so."

"And Ulquiorra?" She paused looking at me. "Thank you."

I felt that same familiar heat rise up in me as time and time before. I don't know why. But I felt...happy for some reason right now. I felt...warm. Comfortable. Nice. Seeing her smile like that...? It made me want to smile right now too...

"Because of the Heart..."

**-OoO-**

**お前のすべてを欲する****I lust for everything about you**

She drives me to the mark of insanity. There is no denying that now. She makes me crazy. Everything she does drives me up the wall. Everything she says causes newfound 'somethings' to erupt inside of my very body. Everything that she is just about kills me inside.

I try to get her. I try to understand her. I want to see what makes her tick. I want to know how she works! But...! I cannot! And I can't stand it! I can't stand not knowing. I don't think I have ever been this crazy in my entire life! Hollow or not... This is absolute madness now!

I don't get her. She says this, but she does that. She does that, then says this! It is maddening! My mind feels like its about to explode in my head.

I can't take it anymore. I am up to my boiling point. I keep a calm, serene face... sure. That's the way I am though. I can't change that. I asked for it! But on the inside? My mind and body are out of control. I want to rip her head open...To see the blood pour out and find the center of how the body works and controls itself. I want to see her brain. It is not physically possible to be...like that and live! Geez...I want to tear open her chest. I want to find that bloody organ and...and just..! I want...the heart. I want it so badly...it hurts. I can't breathe, I can't sleep, I can't eat! I can't do anything now...and it's killing me because of it...because of her.

I can feel my body tremble in anticipation and anxiety...I'm mad. Mad I tell you! I'm mad as a hatter now. I'm as mad as a March Hare. Whatever the saying is, I am! I can feel it in every cell of my dead body.

On the outside I look fine. As normal as ever. But that isn't the case. And personally I don't care if someone notices my madness or not. It doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm so...I don't even know!

I buried my face into my hands. I'm so frustrated beyond belief. And I don't even know why anymore! What is wrong with me...! I could barely even stand anymore without the growing need to...to get the heart overwhelming me. I can barely have a decent meeting with the other Espada without constantly checking on Orihime's spiritual pressure every few minutes. I can barely even spend five minutes without wondering about the heart. Heck now I can't even look at someone without looking at their chest, wondering if they have a heart...

My desire...No. It's not even a desire anymore. I think...it's more of a lust now. Desire was minor compared to this...burning sensation now. My lust for a human's heart was overwhelming me with...emotions. To which I'm still flabbergasted as to how that works. My lust is literally killing me. It's turning me inside out. I can feel my insides being torn as to what to do now.

The Human Heart. I have had enough of research. I've learned everything I could! Everything! I give up... Emotions? A side dish to me now. They are not worth pondering over. If I could have a heart I could exprience the emotions I want hands on! I wouldn't need to research what 'happiness' is. I wouldn't have to ask what does a person do when feeling 'sad.' I wouldn't have to see Orihime to know what 'anger' was. I could feel it on my own.

With a human heart I could do many things. I could finally be able to understand things. I could finally be able to...To do whatever I may please! Having a human heart would practically make me invincible! No one could stop me!

The more I think about it, the more my mouth waters. Just the image of a heart can send shivers down my spine. I want a heart so badly, desire doesn't describe it. I lust for the heart. The heart is what I lust for. I want, I want, I want.

However to actually get one is the question here. Ichigo and those trash have hearts but they use them in such selfish ways. Then again, I want a heart for my own selfish reasons. I'm no better then them when it comes down to it. It's that thought that perplexes me. Am I becoming more like them? Like him? Like...her? Like a human?

Am I turning into something that I...don't remember ever being?

I have heard Orihime Inoue murmour those exact words. 'He's becoming more and more human.' I'm not sure whether I am intruged by this statement or frightended. Becoming more like a human...? Would that mean losing my abilities I have here as a Hollow and an Arrancar? Would becoming more human mean I can easily feel emotions? Would becoming more human make me trash? Would becoming as human make me understand her better? Get closer to her? I don't know.

Even Grimmjow has notice my sudden change in both personality and appearance, or so he says. Apparently I'm 'nicer' and even more calm than usual. But that can all change in a blink of an eye. While I may be more calm, I am also angered quite easily too. But I find myself saying that this is Grimmjow. What does** he **know? ... Exactly.

As for appearance? I'm not sure. I still look the same...I think. Whenever I look into the mirror I still see my dark raven locks. I still see my deathly white complexion. I still see my empty green eyes. I still see those green scars on my cheeks that resemble my never fallen tears of sadness. I can see the remiander of my mask ontop of my head, and I can see my Hollow Hole too. I have not changed in looks and yet he continuously states that I have.

I do not believe that I have changed. If I have it is not to my knowing. But if I had changed...wouldn't I be the first to notice? If something was different about me, I should be the first to know. After all I am who I am. No one else knows me better than me.

While that is a fact, and I believe it with all of my being I can't help shake the feeling I am wrong. After all I also admit that I do not know who I am anymore. Truth is, when I do look in the mirror, I don't even recognize the reflection. I don't know the man in the mirror that is staring back at me. He looks like me, but I know he is not. It troubles me to know end. I often ask myself the question each night, 'Who am I?' But everytime I do I have no answer.

I begin to wonder 'would a heart make me better?' If I had a heart would I be able to understand myself? If I had a heart would I recognize the figure who looked like me but is not me? If I had a heart would I be a better person? If I had a heart...No. It is not 'if I had a heart.' It is 'when I get the heart.' Or at least it should be.

If you think about it, there are so many people in the world. What difference would one heart make? When I take one, would it really matter? That person is just one in roughly over six billion people. They are just a simple fraction. What difference would it make? One heart, one life. It shouldn't matter. No one is that important. So if I took one heart, one simple heart, no one would notice.

But then if you think about it...It's not just any heart I want. I want a strong heart. One that is healthy. One that would beat for a lifetime. One that would show me every emotion imaginable. A heart that was the 'king' of all hearts. A heart that was...Not just any heart. If there was one heart I wanted, it was Orihime's. Not that Kurosaki's heart. Not that Ishida's heart. Not even that Sado's heart. Not even any of the soul reaper's from Soul Society. Although I'm still contemplating on whether they do still have them too. I wanted Orihime's heart.

I knew very well that all of them were stronger than Orihime. I knew all of them had more spiritual pressure than hers. Stronger than hers. I'm very well aware that she is not as physically fit, or fast, or even that good at dodging as they are. I know. But if there was anything...anything that she was better at... That she exceeded any and all of them at. It was the heart.I was so sure of that that it stung.

It confused me as to how someone can 'wear' their heart on their sleeve as Gin had said to me the other day.

_"That girl... She's a strange one. I've never seen someone who'd wear their heart on their sleeve like that before."_

_ "She wear's her heart?"_

_ "It's a saying Ulquiorra."_

_ "I get that much. What does it mean?"_

_ "Hm. That's for you to find out."_

At first I had no clue to what it meant. Even now I still don't understand it. Wearing a heart? Wouldn't that be extrememly unhealthy? How can the heart, an organ that is in your chest, be on your sleeve? Wearing it? That was impossible.

But if there was anything she was better at, it was this. That I was sure of. None of them could begin to show the emotions she had shown me or even just shows. None of them could even begin to comprehend the...I don't know what it was. Power? The power that the heart possessed? I'm not sure of it myself either.

Orihime had shown me something I could only dream of seeing. She had shown me something I didn't even know exists. She had shown me the strength that a heart could have. Her willpower still astounds me to this day. The fact that she could deny anything and everything I threw at her and still talk back with a sharp tongue...

To say that I have some admiration for her...I don't know. There's something about her that keeps drawing me back more and more. At first I believed it was the heart. That's what I thought. But now, I don't think that's the case. While yes I'm still very interested in the heart there's something else that I keep coming back for. I don't know why or what even, but that is the truth.

I find that when I'm with Orihime I have felt more emotions than I thought were possible. While I may not be sure that they are indeed in fact emotions, they are as close as it gets for me.

In my head I can recall everything I have done and even felt with Orihime up to this point. It astounds me to no end.

_I envy because of the heart.  
I glutton because of the heart.  
I covet because of the heart._

_ I am prideful because of the heart.  
I sloth because of the heart.  
I rage because of the heart._**  
**

The basis of all emotions...the Heart. While I may not have one, these emotions I felt are because of that one thing. Because of the heart I found myself in a jealous state because of Orihime. I found myself almost hating her because she had something that I wanted but could not have. I found myself hungering for the heart. My mouth waters and my body tingles in the desire for it. If I could, and weren't nauseated by the thought, I'm sure I would have consumed her by now. Whether it was me eating her, or just comsuming her with my raw power I don't know.

I found myself wanting the heart. The want to possess it. I wanted it so badly I was willing to cut my way through anything just to get it. I was greedy. I found myself being egotistical. If I had the heart I need not fear anything. I would be undefeatable. People would bow before me in awe. I found myself being more and more lazy as time went on. I would rarely spend time doing anything other than seeing Orihime and resting. I would do nothing up until the time came when I must meet with her and give her the nutirents she required. That or just check up on her. I found that I would stay for hours if I could. I would see Orihime only, and no one else. No one else mattered. I found myself feeling the wrath of well...wrath. I got angry over the simplest of things. I would yell and hurt others if I needed to without a second's hestation. I hurt others because of the way I felt.

I had felt more emotions with her than I ever thought possible. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. All that I know is that I find myself slowly, starting to feel things I did not think were possible.

The strange thing was I felt all of these emotions because of the heart. The heart was the only reason for me feeling them. I felt them only because of the heart. I don't even have one!

But this emotion right now that I feel is unlike any before. I do not feel jealous. I do not feel hunger. I do not feel greed. I do not feel pride. I do not feel lazy. I do not feel anger. I don't feel any of these. But I feel something. This growing warmth and desire in me. It is the lust. I know. I am lusting.

I know for a fact it isn't the 'sexual' lust as some would think. It's more of that of a...craving. If I had to describe it...it was a passionate...overwhelming, craving. I could feel it in every fibre of my very being. It tingles.

I never thought I'd be one for that of the emotion of lust. Never had it occured to me. Nor any of the other emotions. I was a Hollow. Hollow's don't feel. Heck I barely even have a soul and I'm feeling emotions. Now that I think about it, perhaps Orihime was right. Maybe I was becoming more like a human? If that were the case...

A sharp intense pain suddenly over-took my body. At first I paid no mind to it, but it slowly grew and grew until I couldn't even see. My entire senses were completely shut down. My entire body felt as if someone had push the 'off' button. My nervous system was closed.

I felt my vision blur as if I were swimming in water. All I saw were blobs of colour. There was this painful ringing in my ears. It felt as if they were going to explode!

"Gaah!"

My body swayed back and forth and side to side. Like I was in the ocean, being pounded on by wave after wave after wave. It was never-ending...

"Stop it." I commanded. "Stop it!"

But it didn't. It kept going. The buzzing in my ears, the not seeing anything, the taste of aluminum in my mouth, the feeling of the freezing cold on my skin, the smell of something burning...It kept going on. But it grew more and more intense with each second that passed. It just grew stronger and stronger. I felt as if I were going to die right here.

And then suddenly...it all stopped. It just all ended at once. Everything. At first I was shocked. How could something like this happen so quickly and just end as if nothing had happened in the first place? Was I dying? I...

Images flashed in my mind. Some of them I recognized. Like Aizen making me into that of an Espada. Or of Yammy and myself coming to the Human World and fighting Ichigo. Of Orihime looking at me with desperate eyes as I told her she was leaving here with me. And everything in between and beyond that even. However there were some images that I did not recognize. At least not that I remember seeing. Orihime was crying...in many of them. But there was also images of her with her friends, they were laughing.

There was an image that stuck out more than any other. Orihime leaning down to Ichigo...Tears streaming down her face. Seeing that caused this new feeling to emrge. I felt...sad. Hurt. Betrayed...I don't know.

There was another. It was of a little boy with black hair and green eyes...crying. That was it. Him sitting there with tears staining his cheeks...The picture tugged at something within me. I almost wanted to reach out to the image as if it were right in front of me...

But when my hand grasped at nothing but the air around it, I could swear that I felt guilty. I felt as if I let the little boy down. He was looking at me with such sad eyes...I had to look away. It was too much for me.

I was back in reality now, crouching on the ground as if I were a predator waiting to catch its prey. I was in my room...wait how did I get here? I thought...I shook my head. Nevermind that now. It wasn't a matter of importance right now.

Dusting myself off I made my way to my doors. I didn't know how long I was out of it, so I better make sure things are right.

But as I made my way to leave I couldn't help but catch my relflection in the small mirror I hung on the north wall. What I saw looking back at me shocked me to no end. At first there was the little boy. His hand outstretched as if to grab my own. He was still crying.

But then a second later the image shifted into that of a normal mirror reflecting what it sees. What it saw was me. And what I saw was me...with tears coming out of my eyes.

I blinked. Tears? The salt-water mixture of humans that originates from the eyes? That tears? It didn't make sense. I was dead. How could I cry? I don't even know if my eyes still had the liquid mixture in them like that of a human.

But no matter how many times I blinked, trying to clear my vision they were there. Coming down as if they were a river. When my hand touched my cheek it confirmed my fears. They were real. I could feel the coolness and the dampness from them. It was obvious.

I couldn't believe it. I was crying...But...Why? It didn't make any sense to me. I was dead!

I didn't know what to do. If anyone saw me like this...so vulnerbale...It would never die down. It would never end. They'd constantly remind me of this every time they saw me. Even Lord Aizen would get a kick out of this. I couldn't let that happen.

If I stayed here they were bound to stop...sometime. But when that was is still a mystery. If anything, there was one thing I could do. There was only one thing that could help me now. Orihime Inoue.

I was being to relient on her to help me with my problems. I know. But if you were in my position what would you do? I was unaware and uneducated as to what to do when crying. Be alone? Be with someone? Who knows? I was...scared. I didn't know what to do. This was all new to me still.

I didn't even bother with the manners this time. I didn't bother with a knock or tell her, "I'm coming in." I didn't even warn her to my presence. I entered the room, the doors flinging back and forth behind me.

My eyes, while they burned greatly, searched for her. But no matter where I looked, I could not find her. Why?

"Orihime?" I asked quielty. The doors were locked. She couldn't have left without my knowing.

"Orihime?"

The room was bare. No life. Her bed showed no mess, as if it hadn't been ever touched. The chair and table she used to eat at was in the same placement as yesterday. Everything was the same and clean. But she had to be in the room...right? The doors were always locked. Only I had the key... And the one time it wasn't locked, one of the Arrancars came and told me. Of course there was also that one incident...Which to this day still bothers me. How could Nnoitra get into the room if it was locked?

"Ulquiorra?" A muffled voice replied. "Is that you?"

I blinked. "Ori-hime?"

From under the bed...wait what? ...From under the bed she emrged covered in dust particles and a huge smile on her face.

"What on earth are you-"

"I dropped something." She said happily standing up. "It fell under the bed so I went to pick it up and..." She glanced at me with those soft eyes of hers.

"What?"

"You're..." She sucked in a breath. "Crying."

I titled my head in confusion. Oh yeah. I was. Wait. I thought the tears had stopped already...Crap.

"What's wrong?"

I sighed. "That's why I came to you. I have no idea."

Orihime slowly took my hand in hers. "Y-You came to me because you don't know?"

"You're the human here Woman. Not me. When Humans cry it is because of something right? Well.."

A small smile appeared on her lips. "So you're asking me as to what to do then?"

I closed my eyes. "I'm not sure of anything anymore little girl. I used to know who I was. I used to know what to do when a situation came to me. I used to be able to keep cool and calm as my demenour and never get angry or upset over anything. But I find that that isn't the case anymore. I don't know who I am. I don't know what to do. And I cannot keep any emotions within me in check to which I'm so confused about! I don't know what anything is..."

I breathed in and out my my mouth slowly as I continued. "Orihime there's something about you in which I'm constantly battling with. I don't get you. There's something about you that I cannot piece together...Throughout this time we've had together I still can't figure it out. The fact that humans can speak of the heart so easily is something I've yet had the time to come to terms with. The fact you can wear your heart puzzles me. I don't get it."

"And yet," I began grasping her shoulders lightly. "While this is all confusing to me and fairly new to me...I think I'm starting to understand what Gin meant when he said 'you wear your heart on your sleeve.' I think I may be starting to understand what the heart means to you humans other than your source of life. I think I might be able to see what you mean when you are praisng the heart. Or at least a little."

I cupped her cheeks with both my hands as I leaned in closer to her. "I'm a Hollow and you're a human. I shouldn't be able to grasp what a heart is. I shouldn't have a heart. I shouldn't even be able to feel things. And yet...And yet...I think I may be. When I'm with you I find that I can feel...something. And over the past few...Since you entered Hueco Mundo and came to Las Noches with me...I find that I can feel things. It started off very small but it grew more and more everytime I saw you up until the point where I couldn't stand it. I have felt envy, gluttony, covet, pride, sloth, and even rage towards you."

I smirked slightly. "But there is one emotion that I have felt towards you that is unbarable to me. When I feel it, I don't know. It overwhelms greatly. With you, thinking of you, the smell of you even can set me off in the most unreasonable ways Orihime. When I'm with you I can feel the Lust surging in me, consuming me with I don't know what."

She swallowed tightly. "W-What are you...Just what are you saying Ulquiorra?"

"Everything. Orihime it's because of you I can finally...**finally **understand. Because of you I finally found the answers I was so focused on finding. It was because of you that I found them. To say I'm grateful... Because of you I know what the heart is. I understand that now."

"You mean..?"

"Orihime. You. Make. Me. Crazy." I said through clenched teeth. "There's no doubt about it. Everything about you makes my mind sway as if it were a leaf in the wind. When I asked you, 'what is a heart?' You had no answer. At first I thought you were refusing to answer me. I later thought you didn't know. But when you told me of it, the appearance and all...I thought that was it. But it wasn't. I found all the other answers to the questions I wondered later on than that. But the one question of emotions still ran violently in me. I had no answer to the question and neither did anyone else for that matter. But now...I think I finally found the answer. Because of you I found it. I found the strength I needed to be able to fully understand this. I felt things with you I never thought were possible. "

"I always thought that I was able to see and tell everything from everything else. I thought that my eyes saw all there was. But I was wrong. No matter how hard I tried Icould not see you. Well I could see you but not **see you**. But now? I can. I am able to see. And what I see amazes me."

"What are you...?"

I smirked even more. "Don't you see Orihime? All along I was searching for something that I couldn't find because I was searching in the wrong places. I was searching for the heart but I could not find it no matter how hard I tried to. But then it came to me. I couldn't find it because it was right in front of me the whole time."

"...?"

"You...Orihime are the heart I was searching for. I can't believe I didn't see it before! I wantd the heart so badly I was willing to do anything for it...I thought that as soon as I had a heart everything will be clear. But that's not the case anymore. Having a heart doesn't make things easier. Having a heart doesn't make evreything easier to comprehend. Having a heart just means that..."

"You're alive and well?"

"No. You can live. Having a heart means you can live life. Having one means that you can feel life. Having one...can make the world. I'm not sure if I fully understand** this **concept. But...I know now that what I have here...with me right now is what I desire. This...You..." I titled her head towards mine. "Is what I have yearned for since the beggining Orihime. I lust for you."

"...!" She gasped. Did she understand what I was trying to say? Or was I just making things a lot harder for her than what it used to be...?

"Orihime...You never cease to amaze me! Your persoanlity, your feelings, your power...Your heart! I...want it. All of it. Because it's so amazing. But more than that...It's because of the heart..."

She blinked. 'Yes?" She brought her face more closer to mine than I thought possible. We were so close to each other that our breath's mingled together.

"It's because of the heart...that I lust for everything about you." And then without warning I did somethig I never thought possible of me...I kissed her. With as much passion I could. I put in every emotion that I felt into this one simple kiss. But as simple as it was...it felt as if it meant the world to me. I don't know even why I was doing this...but whatever the reason I knew I had to. It just seemed right.

I felt her lips turn upward...into that of a smile. I couldn't help but smile back at that.

"You're crazy you know that?" I mumbled to her as quietly as I could. It was hard though. I could barely pronouce any of the syllables.

"I know." She whispered back. "Love makes you do crazy things..."

Aa touche.

I paused looking at her. "Then you're the craziest perosn I've ever met Orihime..."

_"Because of the heart..._

_I lust for everything about you."_

**-0o0-**

** Author's Note- YES! After what can be roughly describe as two hard-core writing weeks...I'm done. And let me tell you...this story actually makes me cry on the inside and out. I am so proud of how this turned out I'm crying right now as I write this. I'm so happy with this. It was a really big project...But something I can proudly look at with a smile.**

** If any of you have read the manga, Vol 40 I think, is the book with Ulquiorra's poem. I don't have that one but I will soon. I always loved the poem as soon as I saw it. I thought that it really described who Ulquiorra was and what he felt towards Orihime. I decided that I had to do a story on this. I HAD TO! But it was hard let me tell you. The hardest thing I have wrote so far. Ulqui had felt the seven deadly sins and it was because of the heart. I know what all of them are and all but it was hard to write them with Ulqui feeling them. Sure envy was easy. But the rest? Hard. Especially lust. Because most would think it was in the 'sexal' defination right? But no. When he said 'lust' he meant wanting or the desire of wanting. He wanted Orihime. Don't believe me look it up.**

** Anyway I had worked so hard on this story...ask any of my friends. I'm happy it's done but also sad. I really loved writing this. So much that if it were possible I'd make it into a novel book. 400 pages of this? *laughs* Maybe.**

** Thank you so much for reading this. I love you. And please, please, please review? I'd love that even more. I want to hear how you guys liked the story. My bigggest project yet...and I want to hear your thoughts. Please? It makes me happy...!**

** Thanks a lot guys. See you soon. 3**

** CBZ**

**心在るが故に妬み****I envy because of the heart  
****心在るが故に喰らい****I glutton because of the heart  
****心在るが故に奪い****I covet because of the heart  
****心在るが故に傲り****I am prideful because of the heart  
****心在るが故に惰り（あなどり）****I sloth because of the heart  
****心在るが故に怒り****I rage because of the heart  
****心在るが故に****Because of the heart  
****お前のすべてを欲する****I lust for everything about you**


End file.
